Baloo-my Friend in Doggie Heaven

My friend Baloo:

Baloo was my friend, he was my confidant when I was sad. I could talk to him about anything and I know he would listen. I would sit there and he would turn his head to the side, his ears were up and then he would give me his paw. He would jump up on the couch, cuddle up to me and he would say: “It’s all going to be ok”.

Baloo was killed a year ago. I know I “should” get over it or rather over him, but God knows why I haven’t been able to. My hurt has gotten smaller, my pain seems to reside, and yet knowing this is the anniversary of his death, I “go right back there”. I wish I didn’t!

I heard a friend say one day that healing occurs in its own time. Well, then maybe this is the saying for me. I am not over him. I feel so stupid. Why am I still grieving? I am though. I really am. My kids posted pictures of him and this reminded me of his accident. That’s ok. They too are thinking of our sweet Baloo and they too remember him and his loving. They too are hurting in their own way.

Gosh, Baloo was such a great being. He would watch over me. He would bark at my command and he would growl when he felt someone “bad” was close to our property. I have tried so hard to get over this. I have Brandon’s Katara now. Our little Aussie. And yet it’s just not the same. Katara has his coloring and she’s so sweet and yet she’s not Baloo.

Baloo was Baloo. Carefee. A big bear. Huge paws. Howling at the moon and the ambulances. Gosh, I wish I could erase the picture out of my mind when I saw him on the road, hit, hurt and bleeding. Lookng at me with such love. Me being in the trunk of the SUV, holding him and racing to the vet. Praying and hoping he would be ok. And then the moment of truth. He was gone, Dr. Lisa said. He was gone.

An hour ago he was sitting in at the table with me. Hoping I would give him some treats. Oh my God, why didn’t I? Not good for dogs.

Gee, I wish I could get out of my funk. I will get over it. In time, with time. I will heal. And maybe it will just take some more time. One day I will have a doggie friend again. My dog, my friend. And he will have similar traits of Baloo. But this is not the time yet. The time will come and present itself.

So, I am going to cook now. This is what keeps me always from being in a funk. Cookng is a great healing activity for me. And so I do!

I love you, Baloo. I miss you and I thought about you yesterday and all this weekend. I hope you’re having fun in doggie heaven! And I know Guruji is with you!

Love you my dear FRIEND!

In light and with Blessings
BB
Barbara Bassill
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/barbara-bassill
https://barbarabassill.wordpress.com

“Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.”
Mother Teresa

Women Entrepreneurs

This morning I received a link from one of my woman friend entrepreneur’s. It’s a story, a real life story about a woman in the produce world in Los Angeles. She is one of the first women entrepreneur’s in our country and what an awesome success she created, the hurdles she had to overcome and how she persevered.

If this resonates with you, check it out and click on the link. It’s very inspiring for woman of all ages!

With loving and here’s to all woman entrepreneurs and to all mothers who are working, creating and making the world a better place for us all.

Have a wonderful day!

Barbara

Pünkelmann

Well, following up on my blog from yesterday about Monsterday, I thought I share a poem, my Mom came up with when I was a little girl.

I used get sick a lot, nowadays I think it was all emotional, but back then it was quite serious. I was sick probably every other month and had to miss school. Most of the time it had something to do with my stomach. My mother had bought me a book called: Pünkelmann. It was a story of a fairy type of person, doing wonderful things in the world.

And one time, when I was actually seriously ill, my mom wrote this poem. I know only my German speaking family and friends will understand it.  Sorry, I will try at some point to translate it into English.

Here it is, Poem about Pünkelmann by Margaret Linnenbecker:

“Lieber, kleiner Pünkelmann,

schau Dir Barbara mal an,

Wieder mal liegt sie im Bett,

Kranksein, ist doch gar nicht nett,

Bitter schmeckt die Medizin,

Und so heiss, die Bäckchen glühn,

Draussen spielen kann sie nicht,

Darum komm Du kleiner Wicht,

Hilf ihr schnell die Zeit vertreiben,

die sie noch im Bett muss bleiben,

wenn sie dann bald aufstehn kann,

freust auch Du Dich, Pünkelmann.

So, for all of you who have had “terrible experiences” with your mom and for me in a way, too. Here’s to our Moms, because maybe just maybe they did their best. And this goes for my mom, and my friends’ moms, who maybe have not thought about this.

Namaste

BB

My Mom

I have wanted to write this blog for Mothersday or as I used to call it Monsterday for years……..but I just didn’t have the guts to sit down and write it. It’s about my Mom. Capital “M”.

Gosh, if you would know how many things she did wrong, how much she hurt me in so many way and how often she blamed me for things I didn’t even do. My Mom was a terrible communicator. She was mean, tough, and boy did she push me to do the things she wanted to have done.

My first marriage happened because of her, she wanted a Navy officer son-in-law and preferrably someone with a title or fabulous degree (sorry Phillip) and so I marched on and got that done for her. Checked it off the list. Would I get some acknowledgement or love then? Great question, can you guess the answer?

I am not a victim here, I just so wanted my Mom to love me, to appreciate me and to tell me that she really loved me. I do not remember receiving this in a way I could actually experience it.

I have come to the realization though, that I chose her as my Mom. What did I want to learn and why did I choose her? I still don’t have the complete answer though I am getting closer to it, but one thing I do know for sure right now: I loved my Mom and I still do.  I have come to the awareness that my Mom actually did her best. The best she knew how to do. There was no USM ( University of Santa Monica) nor Insight Transformational Seminars around when she was young or even a grown up woman. Some knowledge and awarenesses that we now have wasn’t available then. So, did she do her best?

It’s sometimes hard to let go of the “hook”, the blame and judging, and just stepping into acceptance, the First Law of Spirit. Yet, I am doing it now, I am choosing it now. I love my Mom, just the way she was and whatever she did. She probably did her best–well, at least I want to believe that and it’s my life so I get to decide what I believe—great concept!

I have talked to many of my friends, who have had similar Moms and experiences. It is hard to grow up and then to decide one day that your Mom did her best and to let go of the old resentment. It’s HUGE! However, if I want to be really free and if I really want to have beautiful memories, the best for me is to choose these words: My Mom did her best, she did the best she knew how…..she really did!

Her life was so tragic. Two world wars, one as a tiny, little girl and one as a young woman. Loosing the three men she so dearly loved to war and tragedy. Loosing all her possessions, her home, her little girls, all killed and gone.

Wow, when I think of that, all I can say, she was one incredible strong woman and Mother. Life maybe made her hard, strong and different than I would have wanted it. However, she did indeed do her best.

So here is to my Mom: Margaret Linnenbecker, born in Koblenz by the Rhein and the best Mom I could have had. And I really mean that!

Love you, Mutti

Form my heart with love,

BB

Perfectionism Adieu

For the last few weeks, I have been writing several blogs. I often wake up very early in the morning, my friends call me “The Rooster”, and I have some inspirations or an idea and I just have to sit down on my computer and start writing. Many mornings, the words just pour out of me and I can’t stop until my story or idea is on “paper”.

However, I have gotten into the habit to ask “others” to help me edit what I wrote. So, I will get an edited version back in my inbox and then I re-read it and edit it some more. Then I hover over it for a few more days and often–at least in the last few weeks–that is where the story, idea or inspiration stays. Unfinished in my inbox. Waiting for the “right moment” to let it out and publish it. Once it’s perfect.

Well, I am having such an inspiration right now and it’s called: Perfectionism Adieu.

So what if I have a typo in the story, or possibly misspelled a word? Does it really matter? I am not writing an application for an internship at the White House or at IBM or Apple. I am writing from my heart. I feel a story, I experience a “download” and I just got to write it down.

And that is exactly what I am doing at this moment and……..I intend to continue to do so…….and if anyone who reads this or other stories and instant inspirations appearing on this blog sees a typo or “mistake”……well then please overlook it and if you cannot…….then ask yourself this question: What if intentionally put it there just so that I can say…….

Perfectionism Adieu!

So, there you have it. I am done with being perfect. Imperfect or as I like to call un-perfect is the new “in”.

Have yourself a lovely day, evening and week.

From my heart to yours.

Cheers,

BB

Out of confusion

One thing I know I can always count on in difficult situation is my own “therapy”. If I get thrown life’s challenges I can always count on three things:

• My cooking
• My meditation
• My writing

And so I am using this blog today to write as I need to work though some issues. Writing and putting things quote on quote onto paper sort to speak helps me.

My youngest child is still living with me, he’s a wonderful being and I love him. His girlfriend is living with us as well and I want to say I love both of them incredibly. They are truly wonderful beings. And yet, I have so much energy on them. I like my house to be really clean. Not so with my son. He tries very hard and yet it doesn’t happen many times. Ok, so I let it go. Life sometimes gets really tough around here. I so do my best to be in calmness, but it’s very often not possible.

I pray, I meditate and I write. Writing helps me. But no matter what I say, beg for or ask for it DOES NOT happen, or it doesn’t happen in the timeframe I would like it for happen. Man oh man! So I meditate, I turn on my chants and tell myself as my oldest son, Nico, always tells me:”This too shall pass”.

So this too shall pass, and what happens in the meantime? In the meantime, I am often a basket case. I am alone without my husband most of the month due to his work. I try really hard and yet I learned from Insight trying is not doing. Ok, so I get that. So then I do! And yet I feel so often because I am a woman and not a man, a mother and not a Dad, I loose out.

It’s so hard and I have such respect for single Moms and Dads. Well, let me be frank, more for single Moms than single Dads.

Anyways I try to talk and probe and be understanding and yet so often it’s like they don’t hear me. I so often feel I have to go through a whole rigamarole of words and explanations. And my kids are such great kids, but sometimes, Gosh I wish I could just live in a retreat. It’s so hard. And hey, I am not a spring chicken anymore. So even more so, I want to have peace, harmony and order in my house.

What do other people do? I do not know? I cook, I shop, I chop, I create dinners and do dishes and I clean. And then I feel still even after all of this the children still do not understand.

Ok, so I am stepping out of victims, I had once someone working for me for 17 years and this person was an eternal victim, so I do not want to be a victim.  It’s all my choice and I get that. And yet, it’s still so challenging. Maybe I am just rambling instead of making sense, but I needed to write and my friends, who write like Lori will understand. I needed to write and I am audacious enough to publish it. Wow, that’s a big step.

I will learn over time to stand up and speak up for myself! And to do so in a way it can be understood, but it’s so tough to be alone for 3 weeks out of a month and I so understand single Moms now!  I really do!

God’s Blessings,

BB

The r

Gratitude

Every morning when my alarm goes off or most mornings when I wake up by myself, I stay in bed and remain still. I often have a conversation with God and ask for Blessings for the day. I also have a little ritual whereby I express gratitude to having woken up, for having my husband in my life, my three wonderful children, my friends and to be living where I live. Most important is to me that I stay away from taking things, life and wonderful situations for granted.

So I pull out my little journal and write down at least 5 things I truly am grateful for. I have heard often said that gratitude and/or acknowledgement cannot cover the same space with fear. How GREAT is that?

When “fear” enters my space of mind, I jump into gratitude and acknowledgement and every time it saves me from experiencing this horrible fear. It’s gone!

It does take a little practice! However it is so worth it!

Try it out! It works!

Namasté

BB

Barbara Bassill

310-924-4911

Pathetic

Have you ever tried to reach your husband, wife or son or daughter on the phone? I mean the cell phone? Have you ever experienced “them” not answering the phone regardless of how many times you try to reach them? You have to really talk to them about a situation that is so in need of their answer, or their help or something like that.

But they are not answering!

Pathetic!

In loving,

BB

Pre-Thanksgiving

For the last 30 years I have “done” Thanksgiving. The last few years I told myself, actually I promised myself that I would not do “it” again. Our Thanksgiving feast graduated from a family of six to eventually friends and family which amounted to about 10, sometimes 12. This was do-able. The last three years though, our wonderful fest grew from 12 to 14 and this year we are 19, possibly 20.

I have noticed that I have a pattern whereby I promise myself after each Thanksgiving that I will not “do it again”. I tell my children, I tell my husband and I also call my friend, Alena, and let her know, that next year I will go “away”.

Well, and then September rolls around. Slowly but surely it turns into fall, even here in California. My kids call or text me and ask me:”Mom, what are we going to do for Thanksgiving this year and who shall we invite?” Of course there are my best friends who absolutely have to come. My daughter will say to me naturally Judy and her boys have to come, they have been with us forever and then of course Alena and then oh Mom, this year let’s have so and so over. I sigh! Do I really want to do this again?

Generally it takes me a good 4 weeks to prepare. Plan the food, do the grocery shopping and eventually cook everything from scratch. Do I really want to do all this again? My children will tell me how much they love my stuffing and how much they want the red cabbage–my Grandma’s recipe–and of course Grandma Margaret’s pumpkin pie. I smile, and guess what I just give in and say ok, bring over whoever you want and let’s have a party.

Today I went to my local pharmacy to pick up a prescription and I ran into a wonderful wooden sign that reads:”Just go with the flow”. Oh how I laughed when I saw this and of course I bought it. I walked outside of the store, smelled the air, felt the ocean breeze and in this moment I felt so much gratitude. Gratitude for my life, for where I live, my friends, my family, my children and my beloved husband.

I am going with the flow. That’s the ticket! And you know what, I love it. I love “doing” Thanksgiving and having all the hustle and bustle going on. All the preparations and figuring out where to seat everyone, because a sit down dinner for 19-20 is quite something. I love it!  I really do. What a blessing in my life, I tell myself, that I can do this. I can share my love for cooking and food and my love for my family and friends.

I feel so blessed to be able to do this and to share not just the great food but also my home and my heart, my love for all of them. So, I am changing my attitude. I decided I am going with the flow. How wonderful it is to be doing all of this.

I love Thanksgiving and I am so thankful for the blessings in my life. I will cook, I will bake and I will have a house decorated for the holidays and share all of this with my family and friends.

Thank you dear Lord for this gift!

With boundless blessings ahead

BB

Barbara Bassill

DO ALL DOGS GO TO HEAVEN?

Baloo~~the best four-legged friend in the world

Four weeks ago my beloved Bernese Mountain dog, Baloo, was killed. A Motorcyclist ran into him. It was a tragic and traumatic moment. In the back of the car, where I was holding Baloo as my husband raced to the emergency vet hospital, I felt completely helpless. All I could do was tell him how much I loved him and I kept begging him to hang on. I heard myself repeating over and over: “Baloo, hang on, it will all be good”.

When we got to the hospital, the vet came running out with a stretcher and they put him in a room on a table. There was blood all over him and me. Then came the most horrible moment when I was told he didn’t make it. I was holding him and I didn’t want to let go. No, this cannot be true. I didn’t want to believe it and I didn’t want to let go. I screamed and cried and begged God to not let this be true.

But it was, Baloo was gone. An hour ago he was still in the dining room with me, lying by my feet, watching my every move. Now he was gone.

I felt like in a bad dream. I hoped that it was a dream, that I would wake up and it all was just a nightmare. Somehow my husband drove us home and somehow I ended up in my bed and at some point and time I fell asleep because I just couldn’t cry anymore.

The next day was a blur. My children had already posted tons of pictures and what had happened and then lots of sweet messages from family and friends poured in.

Every time I got a new one, the tears were streaming down my face again. I kept telling myself I had to somehow get a hold of myself, but I just couldn’t. And so I did what Françoise Sagan wrote about in her book: “Bonjour tristesse”.

As the days went by and I slowly but surely came out of my “funk”, I began to ask questions, inner questions. Like, why did this have to happen? If it is true that everything in life happens for a reason, what was the reason behind Baloo’s death?

Some people could not understand how I could suffer so much the loss of a “pet”.

Baloo was not “just a pet”. He was the little brother of my children, he was the companion when I was alone at home and my husband was on a business trip. He was my friend, my child, and my “watching-over-me boy”. He was so sweet, he knew exactly what I thought and felt and wanted to do. He followed me around the house everywhere. He slept at the side of my bed. He always understood what I said to him. As matter of fact, he knew what I was saying without me using words.

I accompanied my husband on his business trip. I had to get away from the house, an empty house. A home without Baloo. As I spent the next few weeks in a different environment, I began to calm down and the tears became slowly but surely less and less.

Then came the moment when I made an inner resolve: I must distract myself; I need to get my life back on track. I couldn’t continue to look at his pictures and read the messages that were still coming in. I decided to join a dance studio and started Zumba and something called Nia. I went to the gym, for walks and went swimming.

This was helping. I could finally laugh again and move and for a few hours in the day, I was able to forget that Baloo was gone.

I began to remember “acceptance”, the first law of Spirit. I sat with that many days for a long time. Finally I asked myself: “Barbara, what are you supposed to learn from this accident and what have you learned?”

Here is what I got from these questions:

I learned:

1. To be gentle with myself
2. To give myself permission to grieve
3. To honor my feelings
4. To be ok with not working and doing, but instead being
5. To exercise in service to overcome situations like this
6. To trust my inner knowing that there was and is a reason, one I may not know yet but one I will indeed know
7. To let go and let God

I feel finally able to write this blog without crying and without feeling terrible pain.

I am following my learnings and I am “being” more.

I am going with the flow.

I am grateful to be alive, to have my children and my wonderful husband and feel their love and support.

I am practicing gratitude and living under grace.

One day I will see Baloo again and until then I am living with ease and grace and most of all being gentle with myself.

With loving,

Barbara